you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
