there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
