Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
