My Higher Power is John Stamos
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
