i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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