as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
whose parrot is this?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
