There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
