Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
