Please don't use social media to get back at me.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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