areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
