soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize