I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
