i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
