u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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