and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He kissed a someone with a penis
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
