So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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