he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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