I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
