why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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