it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
