I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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