There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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