Got a toothbrush?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
