please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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