What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
