why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
