I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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