so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I supernannyed him into submission
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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