Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i will never coherently bang her
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
