It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
