The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
