yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
