I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
