nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
