My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
