Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
