it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
