I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
