Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
