So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
