Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
