she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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