That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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