No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize