The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
