I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
