I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
