Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
