I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
