His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
