I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
