did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
