You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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