he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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