it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
