Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
