Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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