Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
