Heybabeimwearingurpanties
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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