Where did you get a picture of my penis
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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