Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize