My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
