i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Two words: blizzard sex
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
