This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize