Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
