That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
