Me too!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
