dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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