You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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