im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
