I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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