he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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